Monday, March 26, 2012

How driving is like American Gladiators

Have you ever seen the show American Gladiators? It appears to be a competition using the most bizarre tools/weaponry/scenarios imaginable. No one would ever swing back and forth on a giant swing trying to knock their opponent off of another giant swing using a giant Q-Tip. But that's what American Gladiators looks like to me.

That's how I imagine driving would appear to someone if they were magically transported from pre-automobile times to today.

Let's take someone from… oh… Roman times. (That was totally arbitrary. Insert your favorite century here). They somehow magically appear in our driveway just as we're going to work. So we think that someone wearing a toga would be a hilarious addition to the going-away luncheon we have planned for Suzie who happens to be moving from Accounts Payable into the Shipping department. So we convince Claudius Maximus (or whatever his name is) to get into our car.

What is going through is mind right now? (And don't say "Latin" because that's the smart aleck answer). So IF we could translate our Roman friend's Latin thoughts, we would probably get the same reaction as if we suddenly found ourselves on the set of American Gladiators.

That's because driving may seem natural to us but there's really nothing natural about it. We are getting into a giant steel and glass cage and we hurtle down a road at speeds that would cause us great discomfort if it weren't for the windshield in front of us.

Poor Claudius might wet his toga as he watches the scenery race by. He might fear the noise of the engine (and maybe he'll even be baffled at what magic you possess to drive a chariot without a horse). He might fear the closeness of other cars to the one you're in, since everything is going faster than he's used to.

I don't think that chariots or wagons can even compare to cars… and it has nothing to do with the construction and technology. Rather, I believe it has to do with the removal of our experience with the elements. If we ended up in Claudius Maximus' chariot (there's a Disney movie waiting to be made), we would find ourselves dusty when it was dry, wet when it was raining, and maybe a mouth full of bugs if we kept it open while Claudius was driving. But car owners are protected from those environmental impacts and this gives a weird illusion of safety when really, we are hurtling down the road in an American-Gladiator-style steel and glass cage.

So driving is a weird experience when we look at it from an unfamiliar viewpoint: We feel somewhat safe in a giant steel and glass cage, and that illusion is further enhanced because we are completely protected from the environment. But from the outsider's perspective, we are racing around in giant steel cages… and that sounds dangerous.

If your steel chariot collided with another in the Coliseum of life, bring it to Boyd Autobody & Glass and we'll get it fixed up right away. (Note: We do not repair horses).